BDSM Weblog

In a lot of the more serious dungeons, there is no alcohol allowed. The secondary issue with that is that would require a liquor license in most places too, but nonetheless, most serious lifestylers agree that drinking and BDSM don’t go together.

I’d thought that most, in fact, were teetotalers when it came to drinking and playing.  And while some definitely are, the more I talked to people in the community, the more I found out that this wasn’t true. A friend of (who is an experienced dominant) had a few drinks when we were at dinner before playing in the dungeon, and I was a bit surprised. She told me, “A drink or two helps me to loosen up some.” She’s deadly accurate with a singletail whip (or with two at once!), and who am I to question her judgment?

And the more I paid attention, the more I saw this philosophy in other experienced players. Now, it was generally when they were playing with someone they were already experienced with, which is important to note.  And that also brings me to a…

Caveat! I am not saying that you should drink and kink. I am saying that from my personal experience, one needn’t be of the philosophy “if you’ve had a single drop of alcohol then you can’t play for the night!” I myself have played when I was too close to that edge, and better safe than sorry as they say.

In fact, my “too close to the edge” incident happened recently. It was at a gothy event that had some BDSM on the side, and with my girl not there and me without my equipment, I wasn’t planning on playing, so I had a few drinks. Then an opportunity planted itself firmly in my lap. There was a girl at the event that I’d wanted to play with for some time, but the timing was never right. Speaking with her there, it seemed that she had wanted to play with me as well. A guy standing next to us offered his flogger. I’m a pretty good self-judge, and I knew I hadn’t had enough drinks in me to lose accuracy. And the flogger, like the girl, was very well put together. So I couldn’t resist.

What I didn’t account for was that the flogger was weighted very differently than I was used to — it had longer falls, and a longer handle. My floggers are generally balanced right around the neck, this one was balanced further down the handle. So there were a few times that I wrapped. Which grates on my nerves like fingernails across a chalkboard. It screams amateur, and I am better than that.

The girl graciously told me afterward that she hardly noticed, and that it was a great scene. But you see, I’m a self-perfectionist. Also, what if I had had more drinks? Would I have passed up the opportunity in favor of caution? I think I would have, but I can’t really say.

This weekend I will be attending Frolicon, where there will lots of alcohol, and lots of play going on. I generally only make a mistake once, and I won’t be making that one again.

Filed under: Goings-On, Thoughts by Sammael