I am really not all that into bondage. For some reason, that feels a bit hard for me to admit openly to the BDSM community. It seems like it’s almost expected that people be into it — I mean hell, it’s the first letter in BDSM! I’ve heard others say that they like bondage because [...]
At a recent munch, the discussion topic was “Abuse or BDSM; where do you draw the line?” The discussion was wrought with a lot of charged emotions — a lot of people in the lifestyle seem to have had some bad experiences early on with people masquerading as dominants and sadists, who were really just [...]
Age provides more opportunities to become mature; it does not magically grant it. Being young does not mean that one is immature; it means that one is more likely to be immature. Conversely, neither does being older mean that one is mature. There are plenty of 40-somethings out there with the mentality of teenagers. I’m [...]
In a lot of the more serious dungeons, there is no alcohol allowed. The secondary issue with that is that would require a liquor license in most places too, but nonetheless, most serious lifestylers agree that drinking and BDSM don’t go together. I’d thought that most, in fact, were teetotalers when it came to drinking [...]
I have known some tops that seem to draw self-esteem through their dominance, and though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it can be a warning sign. I believe that real self-esteem is a thing that comes from within. It’s great to feel that charge, to feel on top of the world when you’re topping [...]
I mentioned breath play a bit in my last post; specifically, that Jay Wiseman is against all forms of breath play. And as a preface to this, don’t try carotid chokes until you’ve been taught by someone who knows what they’re doing, and have practiced it with someone on the other end that knows what [...]
As a top, guilt has been my constant enemy. Psychology, the church, popular media… our culture at large tells us pretty point-blank that you’re sick if you like inflicting pain on someone else; if you enjoy having absolute power over them; if you enjoy degrading them. These things are bad — never mind if the [...]
The idea of informed consent is one of the core principles of BDSM. It’s in the two most common acronyms, SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). Without consent, what we do is immoral and illegal — well in many places, what we do is illegal even with consent, but I digress. [...]
I made a post discussing whether giving oral sex is a dominant or submissive activity. A concept somewhat related to this, which I’ve been mulling over lately, is that of “service tops.” This is a term that means a top that is in service to their bottom, doing exactly what the bottom wants, and nothing [...]
At first blush, it seems like giving oral sex is a submissive activity. You’re giving pleasure to another, and it’s as simple as that. Or is it? When I first started thinking about this, I had heard people in the past talk about how giving oral sex is a sign of dominance. The first time [...]