BDSM Weblog

I know I’ve been pretty quiet on here lately.  I write when I have the drive to; if I try to make myself write regularly, it becomes a chore, and I don’t have fun doing it. So when things are busy, I tend to be doing instead of writing. Horrible, I know.

This past weekend, some friends came in from out of town for a goth/fetish club event. My friend, his wife, and their roommate came down and we went to a new-ish club space in Atlanta. On the downside, the dungeon/play area on the bottom floor had a salty, sewer-like smell to it. Ugh. On the upside, lots of my friends were there, and there were some fun scenes; a rigger friend started the night off right with a suspension scene.

My friend requested on behalf of his wife that I put her on the cross and beat her, and also their roommate. I’d played with both of them before at a goth event in Louisville several months ago, and I was very happy to see that they both enjoyed it and wanted more. I did check in after that first time and they had only good things to say, but you never know until they come back for a second helping. The wife in particular caused my sadist-sense to go off the previous time; she’s pretty reserved, but I could tell that she was really getting into it. The scene this night was also pretty basic, for a few reasons. For one, I had had a few drinks, not enough to be anywhere near drunk or inaccurate by any means, but enough that I felt restraint was in order since neither of them are in the lifestyle. Also, it was a club that I wasn’t familiar with, and I don’t generally do intense scenes in public — it triggers some people when a girl is crying and you keep on hitting her, for example.

Anyway, I used one of my favorite toys: the dragon’s tail. I love the versatility of that thing. Thuddy, stingy, biting, wrapping… it can do a lot. Also, I like that it takes more skill than a flogger — you can be very precise with a dragontail, which appeals to me. I explored a bit more with the girls this time, and learned that my friend’s wife prefers pain on the back, whereas the roommate prefers it on the ass. Both of them are pretty shy and tentative about giving feedback, so I was very glad to see that they were being more communicative of what they like.

I also played with another friend after I was done with those two, and after all that I was ready for a break, so luckily my friend Blue was there to give me a beating with the dragon tail, and my other friend (the first girl’s husband) ready to give some rough body play. He is not really in the scene, but is good at that and seems to enjoy it.

In retrospect my switching that night made me think about my different headspaces.

My top headspace is very high-energy. I feel on top of the world, charged, radiant and aggressive. The more I let the chains loose on the beast, the more aggressive I get. Riding that edge has provided for some of the most awesome scenes, but I have very rarely done that since it’s still a place I’m a little afraid of. If I ever did something to someone that ended up harming them (especially emotionally), it would kill me. But at the same time, I really like hurting people badly. (Note the difference between harm and hurt. Pain is good. Injury is bad.) After a good scene as a top, I feel like I want to go run, or wrestle, or something. I’m jazzed, and the world is sharply in focus.

My masochist headspace is much more of a calm place. When I’m experiencing good pain, the world melts away. In fact, witnesses to my first singletailing scene (wherein my back got torn up pretty good) remarked how relaxed I was, as if I was about to fall asleep. The pain becomes punctuations between moments of stillness. Stingy pain is like a shooting star in a black sky. Punches from rough body play are like an aggressive massage. Afterward, I feel serene, like I want to snuggle up and doze off. I melt, and the world becomes fuzzy.

I also had the always-fun experience of another person from the scene coming up to me after that with an amazed/surprised expression saying, “Man, I thought you were a top!” To which I happily replied, “I am. I’m also a masochist. So really, I’m a dominant sadomasochist.” He identifies as a Master, but proceeded to tell me how he likes pain sometimes too. I honestly can’t remember the details — I was drifting at that point, not really able to hold a conversation.

At some point while I was doing all of this, a friend of mine used his new paddle on my girl. They both had quite a good time, and she was very positive about his spanking technique — he’s new to it, but apparently has a good feel for it (pun intended). I was pleased to see that the next day he followed up with me making sure that everything was all right, and making sure that I was still okay, reassuring me that he didn’t have any designs on my girl or anything. It wasn’t really necessary — I consider him a good friend and wouldn’t have okayed it if I thought anything funny was going on — but it was a very nice gesture.

Some other friends from New York came down for a grappling tournament last weekend as well. Unfortunately their schedule was packed so we didn’t get any play in, but I did enjoy a nice breakfast with them Sunday morning before they left. I’m very seriously considering starting a kinky grappling group here in the Atlanta area.

Filed under: Goings-On, Thoughts by Sammael