BDSM Weblog

I made a post discussing whether giving oral sex is a dominant or submissive activity.  A concept somewhat related to this, which I’ve been mulling over lately, is that of “service tops.”   This is a term that means a top that is in service to their bottom, doing exactly what the bottom wants, and nothing else — allowing the bottom to “top from the bottom,” as they say.   It’s generally used in a derogatory manner (in my personal experience, anyway).  I’d like to examine the concept a bit more.

What exactly does it mean to be a service top?  How is it different than being a “normal” top?  Part of the whole point of BDSM is that everyone gets what they want.  If you’re only concerned with your own needs and desires, then I pity the bottom who gives themselves into your trust.  From The Loving Dominant:

Do you get as much pleasure or more from erotically exciting your partner as from your own enjoyment of the sexual act?
If this is true, then you are likely to be a good dominant.  The essence of this kind of play is to take another’s power and then use it for mutual pleasure.

And then a bit later it goes on to say that it’s well and good to have fantasies about truly nonconsensual activities, but “what separates the civilized from the uncivilized is how tight a leash we keep on [those fantasies].”  I do realize that some bottoms get off on being made to do things they truly don’t want to (or having such things done to them), because the charge they get from pleasing their top overpowers their distaste.  I don’t oppose that at all, and in fact I think it’s a beautiful thing.  But it’s not for everyone, and I don’t think it’s fair that it be the de facto expectation of all bottoms.

So to come back to the question: what’s the difference between a top and a service top?  Not much, in my opinion.

Granted, to do every single thing the bottom wants and nothing outside of those parameters is a little confining, but I think that a creative dominant can find ways to make things interesting and unpredictable even when doing that.  Someone acts as a service top whenever they let the bottom have more direct control over what’s done to them.  I phrase it as “acts as a service top” because I think it is another way of playing, not a way of being.  I am friends with a man who has worn the title of Master for longer than I’ve been alive, and on many occasions I’ve seen him act as a service top, especially when introducing new people to the lifestyle.  But I don’t know of anyone who would refer to him as a service top, least of all his slaves (and not just for fear of reprisal, either!).

So is it actually a bad thing to be a service top?  Does that actually make one less dominant?  Would you call a professional dominatrix less dominant because she gives someone what they want?

Filed under: Rants, Thoughts by Sammael