BDSM Weblog

There are certain people in the lifestyle that feel the need to tell you how long they’ve been in it almost as soon as you introduce yourself to them. This strikes me as a bit insecure — as if they are expecting or demanding some level of respect to be given (as opposed to earned) because they’ve “been in this for 48 years.” The people I respect most in this lifestyle don’t wear their years of experience as a badge of honor, but their experiences as a badge of honor. One of my first mentors had been into the BDSM lifestyle for far longer than I’ve been alive, but he never needed to say that.

I don’t personally care if you’ve been in the lifestyle 50 years or 50 days. Your skill, knowledge, and personality will earn my respect, not your trophies and the length of your dominance. There are some that have been doing this for just a few years that have my deep respect, and some that have been doing it for decades that don’t. Of course, then we get into the dichotomy of respecting the person, versus respecting their skill. But that’s a discussion for another day.

On a geeky note, I also saw this phenomenon a lot in tabletop and online roleplaying (of the D&D/Vampire sort, not the lifestyle sort). “I’ve been playing this character for 28 years. Bow before his magic godlike powers! BOW!!!”

I also often hear people in their early to mid thirties saying, “I’ve been in the lifestyle for twenty years.” I can do simple math. You want me to believe you’ve been in the BDSM lifestyle since you were 13? Forgive me, my friend, if I doubt that. Just because you were into rough sex at age 16 does not mean that you were “in the lifestyle” since then (into BDSM perhaps, bot not in the lifestyle). By that logic, I underwent extreme sensory deprivation for 9 months, so I was into BDSM before I was even born! I have just checkmated you in the BDSM dick measuring contest! (Shaddup, I know chess and measuring have nothing to do with one another.)

Filed under: Rants by Sammael