I also posted this at another blog that I write for, but I think it’s pretty widely applicable so I’m posting it here, too. Of course, BDSM relationships tend to have their own break-up complications, but this is mostly about how to deal with the emotional aspects of a breakup, not the social aspects. Breakups are […]
I don’t get to use a singletail very often. There’s really no great place for it in my house, and recently my girl and I haven’t been going out to the local dungeon very much. However, a few weekends ago we went to Frolicon, and they had a whip area set up there. Gods, but […]
Age provides more opportunities to become mature; it does not magically grant it. Being young does not mean that one is immature; it means that one is more likely to be immature. Conversely, neither does being older mean that one is mature. There are plenty of 40-somethings out there with the mentality of teenagers. I’m […]
I’m not talking about capitalizing one’s name. That’s just proper grammar. But when someone refers to themselves as in, “It is My opinion that…” it immediately makes me think that they’re overcompensating. Same feeling I get when people introduce themselves as “Master so-and-so.” Or when listening to a conversation where doms are having a proverbial […]
In a lot of the more serious dungeons, there is no alcohol allowed. The secondary issue with that is that would require a liquor license in most places too, but nonetheless, most serious lifestylers agree that drinking and BDSM don’t go together. I’d thought that most, in fact, were teetotalers when it came to drinking […]
I have known some tops that seem to draw self-esteem through their dominance, and though that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it can be a warning sign. I believe that real self-esteem is a thing that comes from within. It’s great to feel that charge, to feel on top of the world when you’re topping […]
My friend Jerzeem, whom I’ve known since I was 10, called me a little over week ago, and said, “Sammael, if I’ve ever said or even thought anything bad of your lifestyle choice, I apologize profusely.” Amused, I let him go on, and it came out that he had encountered his first submissive girl — […]
I mentioned breath play a bit in my last post; specifically, that Jay Wiseman is against all forms of breath play. And as a preface to this, don’t try carotid chokes until you’ve been taught by someone who knows what they’re doing, and have practiced it with someone on the other end that knows what […]
I’ve noticed that a lot of BDSM books seem to go to extreme lengths to stress the importance of safety, safe-words, Safe-Sane-Consensual, etc. Important!: I do not think that this is a bad thing! But it seems to be at odds with some of the older BDSM traditions. For example, in my experience, there are […]
As a top, guilt has been my constant enemy. Psychology, the church, popular media… our culture at large tells us pretty point-blank that you’re sick if you like inflicting pain on someone else; if you enjoy having absolute power over them; if you enjoy degrading them. These things are bad — never mind if the […]